Keeping my guard up against Satan

One thing I've learned (the hard way), is that I alway have to keep my guard up against Satan. There is a real spiritual battle going on. I have to remember he's always trying to get in, he never stops. If he finds one little crack, its access for him.

When I became a Christian I didn't realize this at first. I thought I was following God, end of story. I didn't have my guard up, so he came in like a hurricane. I backslid, big time.

I was seperated from God for a couple months. It seems like it was years. I went back to a few old habbits. Completeley questioned every Godly thing in my life. I was completely misserable. During this short time, I became pregnant from a married man. Because of this embarrasement I almost (very almost ) turned from God completely.

For one thing I felt like I ruined my salvation. I felt forgiven for my past sins, but not this one because I knew him now. Secondly, I wasn't sure if I was not going to contunie a relationship with this man. Basically, I had to choose God or this man.

Thank God, that i chose God.

After I decided to choose God, I was still left with the fact that I'm pregnant ( with my fourth child and no husband ).

So, I start thinking of what to do. ( I haven't learned at this point to ask God to help, I thought it was only on my shoulders, which made it even harder ).

Well, abortion crossed my mind. I came very close. No one would have had to know about my sin. I wouldn't be embarressed at all. That's what Satan wanted me to do! Thank God, I didn't do it.

So, I almost left my church. I thought I could just go to a new church, no one would really know my story and I wouldn't be embarrased. Satan would have been satisfied with that. Thank God, I didn't do that.

The only thing I could do is face the music. I am so glad that I made that choice and I am even more glad that I am through that storm. I think it was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life ( and my life hasn't been easy ).

Even though it was so hard, I think I grew so much with God. I learned a lot.

I learned humility. I had to be completely ashamed and embarrassed. I know what people thought of me and some still do. But, I knew God had forgiven me so I had to just walk with that.
I learned to be humble. I had to accept help from others and ask for help.
I learned the love of the body of my church. So many people gave help to me and showed me love straight from thier hearts.
I learned Gods forgiveness and grace and mercy.
I saw God's miracles and answered prayers.

I came out of this much stronger in my faith, more at home in my church family, and more aware of Satans tricks.

I am so in love with Jesus right now!
Satan is no match for him at all! But, I know I have to always keep my guarded, with no cracks for him to enter.